5. He Does Nothing and Gets EVERYTHING: Let’s be honest – he’s got NO skincare routine, no content strategy, HE DOESN’T EVEN POST HIS OWN CONTENT, and STILL…he gets followers. Talk about a slap in the face to those of us who thought we would go viral if we showed our bulge.
4. Zero Anxiety: When I go out in pubic, my top 3 thoughts are: Does this shirt make me look fat, will everybody think I’m a loser because I’m alone, and am I seconds away from getting attacked by some man in a lifted truck? Jimothy scurries around like none of those are a possibility, which is shocking because there are a LOT of lifted trucks in Seattle (and Renton).
3. He Loves Garbage & it’s Adorable. We Love Garbage & it’s a Red Flag: I’m so sick of this double standard. Everybody is allowed to love garbage except me. My mother’s husband worked at the GARBAGE DUMP (green flag, for her), George Costanza ate an eclair out of the garbage (green flag for him, it was free), and now…Jimothy eats literal garbage and everybody is on board. But when I fall in love with garbage, I have no self respect. Okay then.
2. He Can Eat However Many Hotdogs He Wants & Nobody Judges: I’ve been known to enjoy a hotdog in my day. Are you aware Vons has then 2/$3 during lunch hours in the deli? Don’t let your gay friends catch you near one though or else they’ll spread rumors you’re such a big back, even though a footlong is all they want right now. Jimothy eats hotdogs all day and what does he get? Merch designed after him.
- His name reminds them of a straight guy who fucked them over.
