If Your Boyfriend Does THESE 5 Things…RUN!!!!!

When you first met, you could see FIREWORKS. He ADORED you. Texted EVERY morning. Showered you with gifts. But now…that love has fallen off and you can’t quite figure out why. I’m sorry to say – you may be dating a Narcissistic Abuser. 

First off – there is no shame here. Even I fell into the traps of a Narc Abuser boyfriend…and I had all the info ahead of time! Something about the way they seem to understand every little thing about you, ease your insecurities, make you feel TRUE LOVE…until everything changes. 

I’m here to say – you are NOT alone, and it’s NOT your fault. Narcissists are VERY clever when it come to targeting their victims. Let me guess…you’re a person who lights up the room, genuinely cares for others, & has a lot going for yourself – but you don’t see your value. You ARE the dream victim of a Narcissist:

1. Initial Charm Feels ADDICTIVE. I was right there with you, girl. The chemistry feels too good to be true – like you somehow don’t deserve it. He becomes YOUR WORLD. But then, almost overnight…everything changes. What used to be your safe person is now somebody who causes you constant anxiety. They’re cold, mean, and sometimes downright vicious. You keep chasing that high of “initial charm,” but it’s gone. Somehow, the person you fell in love with has departed…and it feels like it’s your fault. 
2. Suddenly, He Weaponizes Your Insecurities. Everything you confided in him…body dysmorphia, social anxieties, depression – they all get used against you in fights. He’ll say things like “you’re too much,” or “you’re lucky I put up with you, because nobody else will.” You know the worst part? Deep down you believe him. 
3. The Moment You Can’t Take It Anymore…He Flips. In my opinion, this is the most dangerous tactic. For a person like you and I, we always want to see the best in people – because we genuinely care. Narcissists LOVE to use this against us, because they know we’ll forgive the horrible things they’ve done. So when he is an absolute a**hole for a week, then takes you out to a somewhat nice dinner and says how much he loves you – beware: he’s TRYING to win you back over – and on the cusp of more horrible behavior. 
4. Weirdly…He’s Sabotaging You. Don’t be fooled…in the beginning, he was SOOOOOOO supportive of your accomplishments. Like, OVERLY supportive. But now, you can’t help but think something isn’t the same. You hear whispers about how he made a comment to your boss or friend like “you don’t know how they REALLY are at home,” or somehow vaguely accuses you of being an alcoholic, or unstable. ANYTHING to get people to question your credibility, without being too direct. You ignore it at first, but that will lead to implosion down the line. 
5. He Gaslights… And Rewrites History. By now, you have likely suspected a problem in the relationship, but you’re too busy trying to chase the high of the “Initial Charm,” you either put it in the back of your mind, or chalked it up to being “no big deal.” BUT NOW, things are bad. He accuses you of doing horrible things you never did (often HE did those things, not YOU), and makes it his full time job to rewrite the past. Every abusive thing he’s done – vanished. Every reaction you had – overinflated. 

So why is he doing these horrible things to you? It’s quite simple. You are everything he can’t be – and he hates that. Narcissistic abusers DEPEND on complete control and constant validation to feed their sense of self worth. So while you were breaking down and begging for the person you fell in love with to come back – he was happily getting his way – complete control, and a broadway quality show of somebody begging for his love. The worst part…now you’re a basket case, and he’s on top of the world. He robbed you of your identity, and you never saw it coming. 

If you think you might be in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, know that you’re not alone—resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) and LGBTQ+ support groups can provide confidential help and guidance.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233 | thehotline.org
  24/7 confidential support for anyone in an abusive relationship.

• LGBT National Help Center – 1-888-843-4564 | glbthotline.org
  Peer-support hotline for LGBTQ+ individuals.

• Trevor Project (for LGBTQ youth under 25) – 1-866-488-7386 | thetrevorproject.org