Whenever people tell me about their gramas, it’s always a story about a nice old lady who owns a cat and likes to bake cookies.
What the hell went wrong with MY grama?
Literally, she did all these things last week:
On Monday, she drunk dialed me from our local Mexican restaurant. When I asked where she was, she was completely slurring her words and then yelled the word “Margarita” at me. When I finally figured out where she was and picked her up, the waitress told me she owed over $100 on her check so I paid it. Turns out, this 81 year old woman had ordered over FIVE (5!!!!!!!) margaritas during happy hour. I was like “Grama, why did you do this” and she drunkenly told me her friend Lanore was there earlier, and they were trying a thing called “hot girl summer” she heard about on Facebook.
Quite obviously, she remained completely hung over all day Tuesday and into Wednesday (apparently hangovers get really bad at 27 and just maintain that level the rest of your life). I was getting pretty worried about her, so I offered to get her some pedialite and food. But APPARENTLY, Grama was one step ahead of me because she had just ordered everything she needed from DOORDASH, and my favorite part…said she already had snack wraps from McDonald’s on the way. HOW DOES THIS WOMAN KNOW HOW TO DOOR DASH MCDONALDS…SHES 81!!!!!!!!
And now, for the grand finale: My grandpa has put up with her wild behavior their entire marriage (59 years in August), but she told me to LIE TO GRANDPA if he asked where she was. I asked where she was going, and she told me her boyfriend got a room at the casino and she was heading out for a weekend of drinking Manhattans and “making whoopie.” She told me he’s “A young buck who works in construction.” I found out, he’s a year younger than me and WENT TO MY HIGH SCHOOL. UHHHHHHHHH OKAY.
My only advice to the general public is: if you see an 81 year old on T*nder, it’s not a joke…it’s my Grama. And she’s about to rock your world.
